Wednesday, February 6, 2013

Treasuring the Moments

They say that with time the hurting gets better. 

Sometimes though, I feel like I'm still in a phase of shock, still in a dream that isn't real, and I can't help but wonder if I'll ever feel normal again. I know with time the pain is numbed, but it never really goes away, and no matter how much time goes by I'll always feel like a part of me is missing. 

The thing is, that's who I am now. Accepting that no matter what I wanted, God knew better and wrote the story His way. Maybe I won't ever know the reasons why He chose to take my Ella, but by accepting that His plan is perfect then He'll be glorified through her death.

So many times we get carried away in the waves of life and we forget that there's anything but our daily routine, the things we need to get done, and it isn't till our world comes to a crashing stop that we realize how silly all those things were. Those things we thought were important weren't actually that important, and the things we took for granted were the things we should have been treasuring. Why is it that we are so blinded to see the things that we should be thanking God for every second we take a breath? How pitiful we are to only scrape the top of life and think that its too rough. If only we truly understood that life is but a breath and can be gone before we've had a second chance. 

There's so many times that I wish that I could redo those nine months. The months I had with Ella. I should have treasured those moments more than I did, because all I have now are the memories.
Sometimes its hard to think of the little things, but don't take life for granted. We don't know what hour will be our last, so treasure every moment....even the moments when the kids don't want to pick up, or go to bed on time, or the days everything just seems to be going wrong. Every time we wake up God has given us another day to treasure, another day to make memories in, and another day to be thankful for.

For it is God who is at work in you, both to will and to work for His good pleasure. Phil. 2:13

I wrote down that verse just two days before we found out that Ella was gone. What a reminder that, even with losing our little Ella, God knows our future and is still at work in our lives, and even in the unknown His plan is perfect.

For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face; now I know in part, but then I shall know fully just as I also have been fully known. 1 Cor. 13:12

***At present our sight of things is one through a mirror which throws them into bewildering confusion, but there will be a time when we shall see them face to face. At present my knowledge is one yielding but partial glimpses, but there will be a time when I shall know completely, even as God, from the first, completely knew me. ***1 Cor. 13:12 ~ A New Testament Translation by Heinz W. Cassirer


Micah said...

Thank you for being so honest with your words. They are so true! My heart continues to hurt for you and the pain you are going through. Praying for you daily.