Thursday, January 17, 2013

We don't always expect where life will take us, 
but God always gives us the strength to make it through each day,
and somehow we've made it through this week without our little girl.

Our little Ella Violet was stillborn on Wednesday, January 9th at 12:40AM. She was perfect and beautiful, and such a big girl weighing in at 8lbs. 4oz. and 20in. long.

Last Monday everything seemed fine, but Tuesday morning we were unable to find a heartbeat. We rushed to the hospital only to have it confirmed that she was gone. It turned out that the cord had gotten wrapped around her neck twice. Those two days were like a horrible dream, and though we're making it through each day, sometimes it feels like it's still a dream.

I don't know when or if I'll blog anymore. Writing has been hard for me, but although I've had trouble writing, Jacob has been able to express himself so well and has written such a beautiful poem for our little Ella Violet.

A Flower for My King
As He walked amongst my flower garden
In the still of night
His eyes fell upon a blossom
Much to His delight

Though still not fully bloomed
Her time was very near
This precious little Violet 
To everyone so dear

The Lord chose to pick this blossom 
For His very own
To bring home to His kingdom
And display before His throne

At the coming of the morning
We arose to meet the day
Joyfully anticipating
The blooming of our babe

Completely unprepared were we
On that January eighth
For where once was joy and comfort
Was suddenly our grief 

Nine long months we had been waiting 
Dreaming of our first embrace
But when finally that time was come
Light was gone from her beautiful face

Beyond repair of true loves kiss
Hopes, dreams wishes shattering
Reality there hit me
A flower for my King

Our garden isn't empty
My other flowers remain
I now look upon my Rose and Jasmine
With a new appreciation

They daily bring us joy
Though not wholly complete
For they too longed for Ella Violet
And wish for her to meet

One day in eternity
Perhaps not too very long
I too shall go to glory
At the beckoning of angel songs

Through pearly gates of splendor
Past mansions, down streets of gold
Again I'll see my Ella Viole
Sitting beside my Jesus' throne

I'll cast myself before Him
At my Savior's feet
I'll pray that by His grace someday
My bouquet will be complete     
 written by 
Jacob on January 10, 2013

Monday, January 7, 2013

A Little Catching Up

I know I've been neglecting my blogging, but I'll try to do a little catching up.

 No baby yet, but hopefully soon because I keep feeling more and more uncomfortable. Sleep is definitely not enjoyable anymore...I feel like I spend more time trying to get comfortable, just to have to get out of bed to use the bathroom and then have to start all over with trying to get comfortable. So, yes, I'm hoping little Miss Ella comes soon, but I know it could easily still be another week before she decides to come....good time to work on patience, although it's not working so well! :)
My midwife was out on Wednesday and everything looked good, Ella had even moved into a better position so we were all happy about that. 
Still having lots of false contractions, so I'm hoping it makes things easier when the real thing happens, but we'll see.
I'm also measuring at 37cm, so we'll see if I make it any bigger since usually I only make it to 37cm.

I know I didn't do any holiday updating, but I got sick the weekend before Christmas with a pretty bad cold and was sick all the way through New Years.....yeah, it was pretty sad, especially since we missed out on a bunch of family stuff. We were still able to do some celebrating here at home and it even snowed right after Christmas!

What it looked like out our door!
 The girls really wanted to play in it, but because they were still getting over the cold we had to stay inside....that was disappointing, but hopefully we get another good snow before the end of winter so we can enjoy some sledding! :)
I also tried to get some pictures of the girls in their "Christmas outfits"....

 ....but I think we'll need to give it another try. I think the last picture is cute, but I have no idea why Bethany thought it was necessary to do a leg lift....typical Bethany though! :) She either tries to hard to smile, and it comes out looking fake, or she's being silly. :)

Well, I hope soon I'll be able to write that Ella is here, but until then I'll try to keep up with the little tidbits that are happening around here. :)